my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
