We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize