I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
