I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
My Higher Power is John Stamos
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
