Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
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