I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
