You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
