I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
