Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
