I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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