After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
