I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
