I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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