ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
