Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
