The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
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