So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
