so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Randomize
