There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize