i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Randomize
