so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
