Need sex. Gaining weight.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
