honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
