At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
