Your mouth is God's brothel.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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