oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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