i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize