you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
