I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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