I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
