Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
It's Friday. Sex?
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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