I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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