you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
