I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
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