Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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