My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
