What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I wear drunk well.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
