listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Randomize
