let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
