Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
