I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
