I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Randomize
