do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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