Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
