the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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