Do you still have your period?
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize