Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
