peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize