You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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