So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
