Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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