someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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