I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
