I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
