Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
