Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
