I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
