I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
