were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
