Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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