chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
two words: eviction party
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
