how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
