are you still at the devil's house?
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
