At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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