is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
