Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
