my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
so explain again why im purple
no
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
