You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
