laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
this boner is exhausting
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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