new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
