Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
