I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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