I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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