She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
