We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize