We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
