I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Dignity is for republicans.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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