yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
