help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
