im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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