Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
