I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
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