just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
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