Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
