On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
you had me at cake vodka
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
