C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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