Tell her she can't have a vagina
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
