something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Randomize
