I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
