Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
