Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
