Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize