He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
