I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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