How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
