Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
