probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
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