I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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