There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
