i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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