batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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