We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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