You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
