okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
