oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
